October 4th, 2013 I earned my 8th month of continued sobriety. What a feeling to celebrate that day with close family (blood in, blood out). Since my first experience being drunk and high I have never gone over 5 months sober. I would call everything previous to now as periods of being a dry drunk and drug addict.
Today I live in the solution, dealing with life on life’s terms as I have often heard. I live in recovery and do what I am told by the people that have what I want… long term sobriety.
It has not been easy but it does get easier each day that I remain sober. I do not surround myself with negative people and most of my contacts from my using days are completely gone. I was asked today how I have done it (stay sober) so far, the answer is not an easy one to answer.
At 8 months of sobriety I can honestly express the importance of a support system that can identify with me. The support of likeminded (addicts) have helped me through the compulsion and hopelessness. Seeing the same faces, hearing the stories, make me realize that I am not alone anymore. I would rather surround myself with recovering alcoholics and other addicts because they can identify so well.
I have expressed the importance of remaining willing to let go of self will which will run riot if not. I have been willing this time to remain sober, I have since dug my grave the last time out. This chronic relapser has no more recoveries left in him; if I were to go back out I may as well just roll into that grave.
8 months sober I know when my next support group meeting is. I plan those group meetings before I schedule clients and my work. Sobriety is my number one priority. I would be lost without a plan. My plan has helped me stay sober another day.
Acceptance has been hard for me throughout my early recovery. Accepting I can not change certain aspects or people has truly fucked with my psyche at times. Slowly I have progressed in the realm of accepting the things I can not immediately change and working on changing the things I can.
I could not get sober for my little boy and that is the seriousness of my disease. My disease is one of the mind and alcohol and other drugs were but a symptom of my disease. Today, 8 months from my death bed I have been given what other people call life. For me, this so called life is new and still very raw. These things called people are difficult to deal with. Without mind altering substances I am feeling years of pain all at once, at least that’s how it used to be in very early sobriety.
I love my son from afar and continue to do what I am able from distance. I can not change others and I accept people for where they are at in life. The only amends I can make is by staying sober. I keep hope alive that I will have a relationship with my son. There is no amount of distance or opposition that can separate my love for him. I will continue to take one day at a time. I will never regret the past, if it helps others survive the epidemic of substance abuse then my life meant something.
So many people are going through tough times and I have to remind myself that I am not unique in any way. My story has been told through others throughout time. At 8 months sober, I still need to listen more than speak.
Eminem – Mockingbird
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