I have always loved the above track, by B.o.B, featuring Taylor Swift. I can identify with these lyrics in a way. The idea of being strong enough to help another person, I think, is a shared human desire. In helping someone else, I help myself. Having mentioned that, I can not be co-dependent on another person, for some false sense of happiness. I must have a strong foundation but realize that I can not jeopardize my sobriety, by helping someone that won’t help themselves.
February 4th, 2017 has come and went, like a passing car, going the opposite direction. With that passing day, came my 4th
year sobriety anniversary, birthday. I have been reinvented, I am a different version of who I was previously. I did not do it on my own, I had a lot of help. I have learned to do things, for the first time in life again. I have had my first steps, in sobriety. Some of the things that most people take for granted, I had to relearn. I figuratively feel like I am 4 years old.
I used and abused substances for more than 10 years and gave that time away. I will never regain that time, it is forever behind me. I can acknowledge that but I refuse to dwell on that. A mere existence, has turned into life. I am enjoying learning about life and trying to understand these things called “people.” These people that I could not relate to, opened up their arms and accepted me, for me.
I realized that those same people I left, to go abuse substances again, did not hold a grudge over me. They did not hate me, wish ill will of me, or otherwise tell me to leave. Their own recovery and understanding of the daily struggle, allowed them to welcome me. The disease of my mind, was the same disease that afflicted them. The epidemic of addiction run rampant but through our collective strength, we managed to fight it, we managed to recover from it.
Too many people have lost their battle with addiction. So many of my brothers and sisters are now gone, from this planet. I can only hope that my words and my public battle against addiction, can help save just one person. If I can spark the mind of one, then they can share the strength, possibly saving another.
I can understand a team concept, since I played team sports. Together, we can achieve so much more. If I went to my support group meetings and saw only new people, coming and going, I would be very discouraged. It is great to see new people but it is necessary to see those same people, keep coming back. I am proud of the people that are building long term sobriety. This tells me that people that are in recovery, are very strong humans.
I did not make it to four years of sobriety, without the people in my support group, my “fam” (some blood-related, some not). I have four years of continuous sobriety because I was willing to get sober, stay sober and fight the stigma, that is addiction.
Reading a book and writing a sentence was almost impossible the first year of sobriety. Words overwhelmed me and my brain was rewired so badly from the substance abuse. I could barely talk, I could barely form thoughts; my brain almost drowned in the poison, I had consumed daily.
As I continued past the one year mark, I was able to read a little and even write a little. After awhile, I felt like I should blog about addiction and publish a lot of it on MichaelDadourian.com and that’s exactly what I have done. Feel free to use the search bar on the site and type in “addiction,” or “recovery,” etc.
I even wrote a book, as it was a long-time goal of mine and the timing was right.
Today I am happy, not because I am strong enough to lift everyone up but I am happy because I can be there for those people in my life that need me. Whereas I was not there for anyone, prior to getting sober.
I am making up for the time I gave up. I am learning to live my life, one moment, at a time. I want to thank everyone that has been there for me. To those people that never left my side, even when they very well could have. My family revealed themselves throughout the chaos, the one’s that stood by and did not turn their back, were the one’s that understood addiction is a disease and realized that I was sick.
Today, my disease is in remission. I will always live with the disease of addiction. I may be recovered from the gravest of conditions from the mind and body but everyday I must work to stay sober. The symptoms of addiction have left me and drinking poison or popping its pill form is the last thing on my mind.
If I were to drink, I would die. If I were to take pills, I would die. It would only be a matter of time. Some people may romanticize the drink but all I see is a skull, with some cross bones.
If you think you need help, please seek it. You are not alone.
You. Are. Not. Alone.