Why am I single at 36 years of age, you ask? Well, I am not the only one in America that is in their 30’s and still single. I am willing to bet being single does not discriminate. My fam (people closest to me), know me well, know why I am single. My readers probably don’t. Give me a moment, to rip out a page, straight from the journal.
Life experience dictates our potential, future, relationships. How was the last relationship? What did she look like? What did you like about her? What did you not like about her? How did the relationship end?
How did I learn from those endings? Did I learn, anything, at all? Or am I insane?
According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting different results.
If I want a successful relationship, I need to first, be right with myself. Now that I am 4 years in recovery, I have felt the urge to date more. To me, that means I have to find someone that is right within themselves, as well.
What is important for me to be conscious about is not necessarily knowing what I want from a relationship but perhaps more importantly, what I don’t want. I need to know. What. I. Don’t. Want.
I do not want to be comfortable, content or predictable. I do not want a routine. I do not want misery, negative thoughts or bad energy. I don’t want to feel unwanted. I don’t want to feel like the only one trying. I don’t want to be the only one listening or talking. I don’t want her, or her, or her.
I want… her! I want the female version of me, Mike D. I want my Ride or Die, Baby Girl.
I want her to most importantly, be my biggest fan. I wrote a book, she should want to read it and tell me what she loved about it! She should want to rock my So Crucial brand, while she works out. She should want to be my biggest brand ambassador, without being my brand ambassador. She should just support what I am doing because she cares.
I also want to be her biggest fan. I want to fanboy-out, to everything she has going on; I want to be inspired by her fitness training, her projects and her passion for life.
I want her badly.
I want to look at her, lay her down; I want to tell her a story, tracing my words from hip bone to hip bone, with my tongue. I will want her physically, mentally and emotionally.
She will know how much I value communication. I know I will be thought of throughout her day; those texts will come at the right time, she’ll be that connected to know how to make me smile. At the same time, she will know exactly how much she means to me. Sure, she’ll inspire stories, journal pages and blog entries; she’ll inspire an artist’s next masterpiece. As a writer, I will make her live forever but my words are for her emotional and mental needs but my touch is for her physical state.
Her body is valued, not only by me but by her. She is training daily.. she is walking, strength training, mixed with muscular endurance work and working total body with me…horizontally, diagonally, and vertically.
We don’t watch sports, I ain’t interested in overpaid athletes, running ’round playing some game; so we turn that off and go one-on-one, no uniforms, no pads, but I am still well equipped. We marathon (v.) weekends, we watch movies for breaks and snack for sustained energy.
We lay on our sides, gazing into each other’s eyes, talking, laughing, kissing, embracing. Legs intertwined, hips magnetic, inseparable and moving rhythmically.
I want to feel her, I want to feel alive, our lips slow dancing, inspire growth. We go at it like it’s the last day on Earth. Her body’s hour glass shape, has me mesmerized.
I am driven by passion. I am driven by an inspired heart beat.
Does she have to be beautiful?
Her heart and soul needs to be. She should be humble, yet confident, strong and sensitive. She should be easy on my eyes.
Many people have assumed to know what “my type,” looks like. They assume they know, based off my look. The truth is, I’ve dated different ages, from older to younger. I have dated all shades of skin complexion, comprised of other ethnicity. I have dated shorter, taller. I’ve dated blondes, brunettes and red heads. I have dated models, r&b singers, social workers, nurses, massage therapists, teachers, dancers, and other.
Women I’ve dated, have been petite to curvy, authentic to augmented.
I have met people, from all over the world. I’ve learned a great deal from all those that have intersected my life. I have kissed in front of the most epic, natural back drops, that this planet has to offer.
The Earth, though, it’s continuing to spin, carrying more than 7,000,000,000 people on it.
Sometimes people think that the world is only as big as that 1 person that is in it, at that time. I know that I’ve more than 1 potential person, out there, for me. When things have not worked out, like when they did not work out with my very first love, ****** Rae. I never thought I could find anyone like her, again. I know now, I was not supposed to. I was supposed to cherish that time and learn from it. The next person should not be considered an upgrade or downgrade.
The next person should just have the qualities I hold dear. The next person does not have to be the last person. When I am inspired, when my heart beats, extra hard, I go with it. I do not need to talk about white picket fences, rings, and babies. Having mentioned that, it is important to openly communicate what possible deal breakers there may be in the mix.
For example, for me, I can not date a smoker. I also can not date someone that has cats, as I am highly allergic. I can’t date someone that is always miserable or who complains non-stop. I can’t date someone that does not know what a DB Lateral Raise is or how to perform a DB Incline Curl. I can’t date someone that does not open up and can’t share their feelings with me. I can’t date someone that does not ask me questions, does not get to know, all of me. I can’t date someone that plays games. I can’t date someone that does not send me a good morning text, good night text, when we are not together. I can’t date someone long-distance without seeing them every month (in the beginning). I can’t date someone local that won’t prioritize time for us, every week.
I know, what I don’t want, I know, what I don’t like. I also know what the bonus is, when I see it.
The bonus is when she loves to play the occasional, old school video game console, i.e. Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64. The bonus is that she loves Star Wars and board games. The bonus is, she has tattoos and stories that go along with them. The bonus is, she loves dogs and would rescue them instead of buying them. The bonus is when she tells me how badly she wants me in the middle of the day. The bonus is when we both count down the days until we can go to the lake on the weekends. The bonus is when she can’t keep her hands off me.
I need a ride or die chick, I need a strong woman, I need my Baby Girl (Aaliyah R.I.P).
I am not perfect. I have 4 years of continued sobriety and I realize, more than ever, what I don’t like or want, in a relationship.
My inner circle knows that I am picky, I am particular, I am stubborn and I can be quick to dismiss. Is that a character defect or a boundary? I guess it’s something I will have to give some thought over. I will continue to be optimistic about dating. I will however, not compromise what I feel are important qualities, I look for, in a potential partner, lover, friend.
I will continue on my journey, with or without a like-minded woman. I have my fam with me and at the end of the day, that’s what is most important.
I am single and have been, for years. Being single does not define me, I will not bend to the pressure. I find that the people that ask me why I am single, appear to be people in unhappy relationships.
People, places and things will only make someone happy for a short while. Eventually, the mind reverts back to the real problem(s) and that’s in the mind itself.
Cheers [raises grape juice] to all the proud singles, who are NOT co-dependent, who are living their lives, free from social expectations. Raise your standards, value yourself, kiss passionately and love without fear. You deserve to feel loved. You deserve, the best person, for you.