Weird Science

I have been told by more than one person over the years that I am too picky when it comes to dating.  Now of course, me being in recovery for substance abuse has really lessened that pressure quite a bit to date.  I do not have to worry about sex, drugs, and rock & roll  hip hop these days, as recovery is most important.  Will I eventually want to date in the future?

This is a question I find myself pondering every once in awhile through recovery.  I am not quite sure if I do want to date and I certainly do not feel any pressure to do so.  Back to me being what has been described as “too picky,” it may be true.  I don’t want to co-exist with someone, just for the sake of co-existing with someone.

I would like to co-exist with someone that is my intellectual equal, that does not need to rely on my presence solely for her happiness.  If I could have a partner that has a strong foundation within herself, than to me that would be ideal.

I also have no desire to “own” another human being.  I do not want to feel as if I need to control a person.  I can barely control myself (my mind), as much as I have changed within sobriety; I still have a long way to go in recovery.  If I can not stand up by myself, I can not expect to lean on anyone else.  I should also not expect anyone else to support my weight (as light as I am from nearly, utterly, literally destroying my body from so much substance abuse).

Let’s just pretend for a moment that I was in a much better place in recovery.  Let’s just imagine I was ready to open my eyes to who is out there.  Who would I choose to spend my time with? Would I still be picky or would my eyes have better peripheral vision, perhaps locating a well suited partner for me?

Maybe I can not answer these questions now because they are all hypothetical at this point.  You know though, let’s for another moment pretend I could create my best suited match on a computer, what would she look like?

If you grew up in the 1980’s,  you may remember a little film called, Weird Science.  For those that have not heard of it or can not recall it, it was a film about two nerds (I mean that in the nicest way possible of course), that set out to create the perfect woman.  I am including this film trailer in the blog at this point, so that the ridiculous rest of it will make much more exaggerated sense.

Here is the trailer for the 1985 American cult classic.

Opening part of the trailer you have one of the actors already suggesting they give their creation, a bigger bust.  How funny, of course at that time, although not as widely popular or acceptable then, we have many breast augmentation procedures daily.  I myself, traveling a great deal from the East Coast to the West Coast and growing up in the Midwest, would express I am more of an ass man.  Now, not heard of back then but now you even have people augmenting their ass.

For the record I have dated women of all colors, religions, and of both the natural and augmented side of the fence.  Whatever floats a person’s proverbial boat is just fine by me.

Now to create my ideal woman, taking from the idea of the film Weird Science, I will take that picky stereotype and play to it. Ready. Set. Go.

Beauty: The Italian Import

You will see her as the next Bond Girl Woman, in James Bond Spectre (filming now) but I fell in lust-at-first sight with this beauty in the film, The Matrix Reloaded.  Born in 1964, Monica Belucci is a classic contemporary, beauty that stands the test of time. She could stand out in any era. That’s why she’s She’s My #1 A-List Celebrity Crush.

Blonde Brainy Bombshell

Born Norma Jeane Mortenson, 1926-1962, would eventually become great American model, singer, and actress, Marilyn Monroe.  Many women give her credit as inspiring their eventual careers in entertainment.  She’s the only blonde on my list and perhaps one of the most brainy; Marilyn Monroe was just as intelligent as she was beautiful and was a walking sound byte.  Rest in peace Norma Jeane a.k.a Ms. Monroe.

A Master Dancer

There is just something about a woman that feels a beat and let’s that work through her.  I have always had a thing for R&B singers and I remember when Ciara first came onto the scene.  I loved her voice and what made her that much more attractive to me was that she could dance better than anyone I had ever seen before (and still can). I can’t discount the fact that Ciara in her own right is absolutely gorgeous.  My Weird Science inspired woman would have to have that ability to move like Ciara and look that good doing it.

Lyrically Fit

My love for hip hop would not allow me not to put one of the sexiest women on the planet into the mix. Beautiful, yes she is, highly intelligent, no doubt about it. I won’t call her the best female emcee, I’ll call her one of the best emcees period. I can appreciate someone putting a strangle hold on the alphabet and warp it however they feel like. As a writer, I could only imagine what a session between her and I would look like. There is still a reason I have not watched her video Anaconda yet, I am just not ready for it. Here is Nicki Minaj’s wordplay with visuals.

One Mic Barbie

This rides in & out of the “Hip Pop,” Hip Hop lanes (eXplicit)

This is most “Hip Popular,” featuring Rihanna.

Emcee + Recording Artist = millions of records sold.

Sex Symbol

I won’t start on Megan Fox because I most likely won’t stop and may just feel inspired to write an explicit, more than raunchy, romance novel. Let me just express, Megan’s sex appeal goes 0-60 in 2 seconds flat, raised, you know what I mean.

Athletically Gifted

My inner circle may be surprised I am choosing a former Mixed Martial Artist for my athlete instead of a soccer player, as that was the sport I grew up playing.  Like all the Weird Science list of gifted women, Gina Carano (Actress/Athlete), is not only a certified bad ass, she still looks amazing no matter what she wears.

Here is a feature on a fight scene in Fast & Furious 6 with Gina Carano and Michelle Rodriguez


Make Me Laugh

Aubrey Plaza (Actress/Comedian) has that deadpan humor perfected.  Her personality in interviews is extremely charming. I can only imagine how much Aubrey Plaza would make me smile and laugh out loud on a daily basis.

Here is a video of some of Aubrey Plaza’s best moments as April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation

More from Parks & Recreation

Body Marked Up

Do I like tattoos on a woman? No, I love them.  What about facial tattoos, do I love them also.  I am a firm believer that some people can pull them off and Cleo Wattenstrom can more than pull it off; Body Marked Up indeed.

Cleo Wattenstrom, Model

Cleo Wattenstrom, Model


Who would inspire your Weird Science creation?

1 Comment

  1. Lisa December 23, 2015 at 11:49 am #

    I can hardly wait to meet her. (Your weird science woman.) She sounds fascinating 😉 Fun! Great post!

    Seriously, “I would like to co-exist with someone that is my intellectual equal, that does not need to rely on my presence solely for her happiness. If I could have a partner that has a strong foundation within herself, than to me that would be ideal.”- I think this is a healthy point of view. Don’t give it up.


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