I thought that writing my first manuscript, Intimate Recovery was overwhelming at times, especially because the introduction took me back to the final days of the last time out, in the streets. Now, that filming has almost wrapped on the Film Short, “Intimate Recovery,” (trailer below), I have been compelled to explain my process, to get into character,
This film in many ways was much more difficult of a performance art, than I ever have had to give. In theater, your audience is often times, many meters away and so facial expressions, although still important, are not going to be close-up. Film is a different kind of game. The audience if just a few feet away. They see the eyes, they see the expressions, they either believe or they don’t.
I preferred acting to modeling but I have been a published model, well before I appeared in any television commercial. I also flaked on many auditions and readings for independent films, for characters that could have been mine, if I would have just done what I was supposed to do.
Miss a flight here, miss an appointment there, pretty soon it became one expensive, extended party.
Ah but I am off topic, talking about the what if scenarios. Which believe me, makes sense in a moment.
I am a method actor and model, for that matter. How was I going to go full method for a film, based on my book (specifically the intro) and not go full method!? I can’t drink anymore, right? I can’t pop pills anymore, right? Well, how do I go back to that place, how do I rediscover the monster within?
Well, I did not watch films, listen to music, or read anything that was going to possibly influence the writing of my manuscript. I did not want anything to shape what I was writing about.
Having mentioned that, I did figure out, that I needed to pull out some music and films that may take me back to that dark place. I have to be sober from substances during filming but sober from my emotions, do I have to be sober from those? Well, it is somewhat like playing, Russian Roulette.
I had to listen to that music that I once could identify with, I had to look at the pictures that are still so painful for me, to see. I had to remember what it was once like, to exist in life, instead of living life.
Below is just some of the music, that helped inspire some of the emotions needed, for certain sequences –